At the Gates of Alstroemeria: Excerpt from (Now) Chapter Two

This is an excerpt from what is now chapter two of my book, At the Gates of Alstroemeria. It talks about a dilemma that Fabian, Sapiens’s best friend, found himself in. And it shows the nature of their friendship, how I watched it develop over the years, or, more accurately, how I became more aware of how deep it had always been.

"Are you coming with me or what?" Sapiens said in a churlish way, as a way of joking, for he found Fabian on the road with some things for the household. "Can you wait for a second, Sapiens?" Fabian said. "I just need to make sure mom doesn't need anything. It will only take a minute, I promise." Sapiens wanted to give a playful response, yet another thought took over his mind: Fabian never spoke in such a scared tone before. They had been friends their whole lives, so it was not normal for him to treat him as any other citizen would treat their prince, should they meet him in the streets. He instantly figured out something was wrong, and decided to ask him what happened when he had returned. Sapiens had not even waited a full minute when Fabian came riding his horse. "Now you talk!" He said, trying to see if the look in his eyes would alter. Unfortunately, it did not. "What happened?" Fabian tried to deny several times, yet each time, Sapiens persisted even more. The last time, Sapiens said that if he would not talk, he – as the Prince of Agatha – would make him talk. Fabian tried to change the subject by asking him why he was dressed like that, yet Sapiens did not fall for it. "Sapiens, please," Fabian finally said, "this is my problem, not yours." "And what is the difference between us? We're more than brothers." "I know, but…" Fabian sighed and looked away, seemingly torn apart. Sapiens could easily tell that he wished to speak, yet could not, and so a sudden thought struck him: it could be private. It was for that reason that he did not pursue the matter any further, although his previous pursuit was already taking effect. "Alright, I'll tell you," Fabian finally said. "Nevertheless, promise me that you will not interfere in this. Will you promise me that?" Sapiens tried to avoid making that very promise, yet could not, so he instead gave his friend a half-promise: he would not interfere directly. He, as expected, found refusal on his friend's part to talk because of that, yet he confidently, and simply, said that he would not give any more than that, and that his friend should not expect more either. "It all started when dad abandoned us," Fabian finally started. "Everything happened so quickly, and we did not know what to do after he was gone, probably forever. A few weeks ago, I found out that dad was indebted to many merchants in town. Most of them have been very considerate and agreed to postpone the time of their payment." Fabian paused, seemingly most hesitant, and burdened. He could feel his friend's considerate eyes beg him to go on, so he could help, and so he did. "One of those merchants turned out to be otherwise," he went on quietly. "He would not leave us alone, and no matter how hard we tried, he would not give up his payment on its time. I ran into him today, while I was coming back home, and he told me that I only had one week to repay him, or else, he would send me to prison." First draft, final modification: January 5th, 2015

Fabian saw Sapiens riding to their house from afar. He didn’t know how much time had passed. He waved to him to wait up, moved to his house to take his horse from the backyard, and rode with his friend. Fabian completely forgot that Sapiens had wanted to see his little family. He couldn’t even care about someone knocking on their door anymore. All he wanted was to get away from there. cdca Sapiens and Fabian spent the better part of the first hour watching the Gates from the top of a near hill. They and their horses were hidden in trees and bushes. Sapiens didn’t ask why Fabian hadn’t let him inside the house, and Fabian didn’t offer to explain. Instead, he started telling him the latest news about Natalie and his job working for Kendrick, a famous carpenter in town. He talked faster and in more detail than ever. That was how Sapiens knew for sure that something was wrong with him. “What’s the matter? No, no, don’t you even dare start denying it. I’m not an idiot. Come on, tell me what’s going on.” It usually took Sapiens ages to convince Fabian to tell him when there was a problem. This time, however, it was taking too long. It reminded Sapiens of the time Fabian had seemed quite distressed and finally told him that Jeffrey, the former gardener at the royal palace and Fabian’s father, wasn’t really dead. Fabian had cried then. It was the last time Sapiens ever saw Fabian’s tears. He had been sixteen. In a way, that was the moment Fabian changed forever, becoming the mature one, the strong one, the responsible one. Sapiens had had his share of hardships too, with the death of his mother when he was six and the death of his father when he was sixteen, one year before Fabian’s father left them. They struggled together for three years since the drastic change in Fabian’s life, pushing each other up, fighting against the depression and the anger. They grew. The two of them could not look more different. Sapiens had brown eyes—which was a rarity, to say the least—and chestnut brown hair, while Fabian’s hair was dark blond and his eyes light green. The two of them were both tall, almost six feet, though Sapiens was about an inch taller than Fabian. Both had muscular bodies. It was one of the things they paid attention to in the past three years of their lives. Fabian was more muscular than Sapiens because of his work as a carpenter, but they were both keen on exercising and building healthy and strong bodies. It was an outlet for excess emotions like frustration and resentment. Despite the differences in their facial appearances, however, the two of them were practically brothers. If Sapiens had any siblings, he wouldn’t love them as he loved Fabian. Sapiens had been lost in that thought when Fabian finally gave in. No matter how strong he was, he could only bear so much. Sapiens listened intently as Fabian told him that his father’s disappearance had been made and that people were now demanding their debts back. “Sir Ajra considered the debt to be new and convinced them to give me a month. Now I have a month as the law states, or I’ll go to prison.” Latest draft: October 23rd, 2019

It occurred to me to add a little commentary part to this, as it’s a little bit boring to just try to the two versions and compare. See, these two drafts right here are over four years apart. What happened in those four years? I knew my characters better. I knew Sapiens wouldn’t address Fabian “churlishly”—I recognize Sapiens’s voice now. And I knew Fabian wouldn’t explain to Sapiens what happened to his father from the start because … that just made no sense. They are lifelong best friends. Of course Sapiens knows about Fabian’s father. It’s pointless to start reciting the backstory; it’s very obvious it’s being done for the readers to understand. So, I put the father’s backstory in the narrative parts, leaving the conversation to show what Sapiens and Fabian’s relationship now is like, how tight the two of them are. If you read the blog post “Sapiens,” you’ll know that I had the same issue with their relationship in the very first chapter: they were too … formal, maybe, or … too synthetic. It was like I was trying to force that friendship on them. I was still new to them myself. Whereas now, the two are basically brothers. They don’t even need me to interfere to make that show. Aside from the style, I strongly believe that character depth is what improved over the ten years I’ve worked on this book.